My Daughter

My life (and photography) has recently been taken over by a beautiful little girl. Introducing our first child, Katelyn.
*I did not take all of these photos

2 a.m. and the Future

As I laid in bed last night staring at the fan, listening to the pat... pat... pat... pat... pat on Katelyn's back (and trying not to fall asleep myself, while desperately wishing she would just go to sleep!)... a thought occurred to me. This is a very, very short time in her life when I can actually fix almost all of her problems. One day in the near future, she will face situations and emotions that will break her heart and all I will be able to do is hold her. Now, I know firsthand (from own mother and friends along the way) how powerful that can be. But when I am beyond sleep deprived and my newborn is hellbent on staying awake at 2 a.m., it helps me enjoy these precious moments a little more.

SALT\2009 > called. NOW.

The collection of promo images for Chi Alpha's annual winter retreat, SALT. I also designed a website, posters, and promo buttons in the same concept.

SFA Homecoming 2009

Invitation design sent to SFA Chi Alpha alumni inviting them to SFA Homecoming events! Axe 'Em Jacks!

Altitude/2009 - Fully Equipped for the Adventure

Altitude is the North Texas Chi Alpha annual retreat. This year's theme: Fully Equipped for the Adventure.

a 2-month old...

With over 6 weeks until my due date, it looks like I will be delivering a 2-month old... she is 5 lbs. 12 ozs already! Isn't she beautiful???

Welcome Week Designs

Every year we host two weeks worth of events to meet, welcome, and connect with freshmen on campus. This is a selection of the design work that supported our schedule of events this year.

Seemingly Random Thoughts

"you never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be." (Gabrielle Beaty)

"All great life is the product of a great purpose taking hold of the personality and sinking our selfishness out of sight... Some cause must dissolve you, melt you, move you, burn in you, if you are going to do anything in this world." (Daniel Clark Knowles, "Lofty Purposes" from Chapel Talks)

"It's not that Christianity has been tried and found wanting but that it has been found hard and not tried."
(GK Chesterton)

"If you want to build a ship, don't drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work, and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea."
(Antoine de Saint Exupery)

"Every generation must have its own confrontation with God."

"²²Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: "Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. ²³For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you." (Acts 17)

"¹³When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say the Son of Man is?" ¹⁴They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets." ¹⁵"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?" ¹⁶Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."" (Matthew 16)

"In the Bible we do not see man groping after God; we see God reaching after man." (John R.W. Stott)

"We know that to find God and to accept Jesus Christ would be a very inconvenient experience. It would involve the rethinking of our whole outlook on life and the readjustment of our whole manner of life. And it is a combination of intellectual and moral cowardice which makes us hesitate. We do not find because we do not seek. We do not seek because we do not want to find, and we know that the way to be certain of not finding is not to seek." (John R. W. Stott)

Church at My House

I did not sleep well last night and decided to stay home from church this morning. I wanted to listen to a sermon or two online, but when the website timed out on me, I decided to check out my personal library of sermons. I ended up listening to a sermon I preached during our last semester at LSU. Aside from noticing again, as I do every time I listen to myself in recordings, that I have a much stronger country accent than I realize in daily life... that I sound very much like a combination of my friends Angie and Tara when I preach... and that I need to get control of my use of the word ummmmm... I had a few thoughts I wanted to put down in writing before they fly away (apparently another symptom of pregnancy).

"If we do not experience God, we cannot experience love."

If this statement is true, and I believe it is, the opposite is also true. As we experience God, we experience love. And not just in our relationships with Him. We know (and for some of us, learn) how to identify love in our lives by the interactions and exchanges we have with the Lord. Without God, we continually misinterpret life situations and the actions of others. But as we know God and live with Him, we learn to correctly name love in our interpersonal relationships as well.


One of the interesting things about consistent pubic speaking is the inability to separate a particular sermon from a specific season of life. This effect is magnified when the sermons are recorded. As I sat and listened to myself speaking to my LSU students, I could see our old room in the Design Building like it was yesterday. I could feel the heat of the stage lights on my face. I remember what it felt like to step in that tiny little space upfront and try to speak to a group you couldn't even see for those blinding lights. And more than all that, I remember how I felt, not just as a director/pastor/preacher, but as a human, a daughter, a wife, a friend, at that time in my life. For me, it wasn't pretty. No one probably knew at that point, but that sermon was straight out of my own life and relationship with God at that moment. But most people don't think of their pastors/preachers as being real people with real challenges and real hurts. But such was the state of my heart as I took the mic that night. I was in the midst of some real life challenges - and, completely unknown to me at that moment, I was about to enter one of the most difficult, heart-breaking, life-changing experiences of my life. I talk in the sermon about friends who have betrayed us in the past - I was about to be betrayed. I talk about the moments when you feel most alone - I was about to find myself absolutely alone. So as I listened to myself speak, it was like knowing both the beginning and the end of the story, like watching a character in a movie you've already seen - wanting to tell them not to open that door cuz the crazy ax-murderer is behind it, but you know they will anyway. And for the first time, as I "watched" myself for 43 minutes and 38 seconds, all I could see was God. Usually, when I replay that time in my life I am focused on what I could have done differently or how I felt during that process. Today I saw God. I saw Him speaking to me in small ways. I saw Him setting the stage long beforehand to prepare me for the most difficult act of my life thus far. Wow, He is so good to me.

One Body T-Shirt Design

The Christian student organizations at SFA wanted a shirt to sell to current members and giveaway to freshmen that emphasized the unity among Christians on campus. This was a fun play on words and images... and they actually liked it!

It's a Girl!

I can't tell you how surprised I was to hear our doctor say, "Think Pink" at our ultrasound last week! But even I can look at the u/s and see... it's a girl! Baby Katelyn is on her way!

Friendship = Obedience? (aka 6 pages with Spurgeon)

So, this is an interesting line of thought I've been confused about for some time. During my ongoing study of the fruit of the Spirit, I ran across this verse in John 15:

¹⁴You are my friends if you do what I command.

At first reading, my thought was something like... "WHAT?!? That doesn't even make sense!"

I haven't gotten much further in my thinking since then either. I assume it has some connection with the sentence just before it:

¹³Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Either way, it has been some months since I last thought about it... until yesterday morning when I read 6 pages of a book by Spurgeon called Being God's Friend.

Referencing Hebrews 11's summation of Abraham, Spurgeon draws a comparison between obedience that is motivated by fear and obedience motivated by faith (as was Abraham's - "By faith Abraham... obeyed.") I think I have only known in life and religion the obedience motivated by fear. Let me explain. We do what we're supposed to do, and avoid what we should avoid, because we want to escape punishment. I tell Derrick constantly not to speed because I do not want to pay a ticket. As a child, I obeyed my parents' rules so as not to get spanked or grounded. As a believer, there is this constant background noise in my head saying "This is what good Christians do" or "Real Christians would never do that." All such comments are only a positive statement of fear - fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, etc.

I guess bottom line is I am confused about how friendship = obedience... maybe all of this is somehow tied into submission... I don't know. But it's fun to try and find the answers!

Heartbeat!

My 15 week check-up was yesterday afternoon. We heard the baby's heartbeat, thumping away so fast it almost sounded like one consecutive tone - about 150 bpm according to Doc's ear. What a beautiful moment. :)

Belief and Action

Saying you believe something is one thing, but acting on that belief is an entirely different story.

Reading through the articles in the Cornell Sun about the situation involving Chi Alpha there, I have been repeatedly struck with student and faculty's frustrations. I personally like to play devil's advocate so it has not been hard for me to see the situation from their point of view - I can understand why they are responding as they are. But this new statement, made by who I presume to be a student although no formal mention of his classification was made in his editorial, is beyond my understanding. Is he actually mad because someone believes something and acts on that belief? He talks like that is the craziest idea he's ever heard of - all of us who believe in the safety of airplanes are total idiots for booking a flight. Everyone who believes a prescription will cure their cold is ridiculous for seeing a doctor. Studying = good grades, but you're a fanatic if you spend a night in the library. This is just ridiculous.

I work in the realm of belief. I deal in issues of faith and credence. The bottom line of it all is this: everyone believes in something, and that belief absolutely affects every area of life. Even people who claim there is nothing, no God, no higher power, to believe in... they believe in nothing, and that belief will change their thoughts, actions, and attitudes.

What would the world be like if we all claimed to believe certain things, but always acted contrary?

Chi Alpha Funds Reinstated at Cornell

In a huge step forward for the group, the Cornell SAFC hearing voted to reinstate Chi Alpha's university funding privileges. The hearing found that Chi Alpha had not violated any of the stated university policies - a big break-through for the group, which has faced much criticism and outright attack in the last few weeks. I am so happy for the group and its directors - maybe now they can begin to recover from this chaos!

Student Assembly Restores Funding

Empty Words: the Hypocrisy of 'Diversity' - a student's thoughts on the playing out of true diversity on campus; a little biased, but he asks good questions

Turning Towards One - thoughts on the complexity of the situation

To the Editor - are all sins equal?

To the Editor: Student group reserves the right to select its own leaders

Explaining a Complex Relationship - Statement from Matt Herman, Director of Chi Alpha

Spiritual Maturity

"The only test for spiritual maturity is the fruit of the Spirit."
(Mary Gautreaux)

What is happening through you that you cannot explain?

Were your friends better for having seen you yesterday?

I am a problem-solver by nature. I love puzzles - any kind: word puzzles, sudoku, ken ken, crosswords, cryptograms, jigsaw puzzles, riddles... anything that gets my mind thinking. So learning has always been fun to me, at least the form of learning where you're not just memorizing facts. If there is something to figure out, like in math and science, I loved it. That's right - I'm probably the only math-loving artist you've ever met. I'm twisted, what can I say?

Because of my propensity towards things that need figuring out, I've always been very interested in theology and apologetics. I actually LOVE to study the Bible - not just read it, but really study it, like a textbook. So when I come upon something either in life or Scripture or reading that I don't understand, it's really exciting to me. And I will pour myself into studying that thing until I feel like I have it figured out, until I understand it.

My latest case in point has been the topic of growth / maturity / fruit of the Spirit. Aside from a recent hiatus due to morning sickness, afternoon sickness, and evening sickness, I have spent the last 4+ months reading, thinking, studying about the fruit of the spirit and several connected topics. After that much time, I feel like I have found some level of understanding. (Even though, honestly, I would like to continue studying the fruit individually for at least 6 more months...) Then there was service last night...

I realized my tendency is to study and learn and ask questions and find answers until (and only until) I reach as much understanding as I can on a given topic. Once that happens, I'm done. What this means is that I often have a good amount of understanding with no real evidence of it in my actions and attitudes. Ouch. Mary got quoted last night: The only real test of spiritual maturity is the fruit of the Spirit... and fruit is not understanding, it's being.

Monumental Changes

I have been reminded in the last week how quickly everything can change. From threats of shootings on MY campus to news of a fellow Chi Alpha group under major investigation by their university... we can go to bed one night and life is normal and by the time we wake up again, everything we have known is different. Makes me remember that every moment is an opportunity - I want to make them all count for the Kingdom.

Cornell Chi Alpha

Chi Alpha Update

Student Opinion Article

Vigil Protest

To the Editor

Unfolding Nuance

To the Editor 2

Giver of Life

Now I know He is the Giver of Life.

Ultimate Design?

 Logo for our Chi Alpha Ultimate Frisbee team:

Misc Design Projects

New header and companion images for the SFA XA blog:


Ad package for our upcoming camping trip:


Ad package for district Chi Alpha retreat back in October 2008:


Ad package for SFA Chi Alpha event:

Prayer

The reason we do not pray is because we think we can do "it" or we don't think He will.

"I was born in a Christian home, nurtured by Christian parents, and by that fact graciously and tenderly spared from many of the vulgarities of godlessness. Consequently Mount Sinai with its thunder never made me tremble, never brought deep conviction of sin to my heart. I have always sympathized with the young ruler who confronted by the six final words of the decalogue, could yet look into the face of incarnate purity and say, 'All these things have I observed from my youth.' But when I came to stand consciously, not at the foot of the mount which might not be touched, but on the green hill outside the city wall, and saw in the mystery of that passion and pain the revelation of the heart of God, the self-sacrificing, self-denying heart of God, I knew what a sinner I was. When I came into the presence of God as love I found in love a light which bowed me to the dust in shame, and though my sad heart yearned to pray, I dared not take His name upon my lips, for He is love ineffable who has - let me say it reverently - denied Himself in order to help men. In the light of that love I discovered that sin does not consist in incidental acts of passing days, but in the essential attitude of selfishness. It is when Jesus brings me into the presence of the heart of God that I put my hand upon my lips and cry, 'Unclean, unclean.' I want to pray. I dare not pray. I have forfeited all right to ask for anything from such love. I need yet more than the revelation of the Father before I can pray. Thank God there is more."

--G. Campbell Morgan, The Practice of Prayer

Full Circle aka Morning Thoughts (call it a devotion if you want)

The Lord continues to speak about pride, sin, knowing oneself, etc. This morning's email from the Ravi Zacharias team:

Self-Deception and the God Who Sees

I followed that up with two of my favorite verses:

Psalm 139:23
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

1 Corinthians 13:12
12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

I am really good at deceiving myself. I find devil's advocate a fascinating role to play and have perfected my skills over the years - my husband's convinced I should have become a lawyer. A detail-oriented person (that's putting it kindly), I can argue the points of one word in a sentence into oblivion! Applied to others and situations, this trait is particularly annoying - applied to myself it could be downright destructive.

There is something in me that does NOT want to see myself for who/what I really am. So I revert to childhood and pretend, make up stories, etc. But that's not maturity (something I'm learning alot about the last few months) and it's not reality.

Truth is I'm so good at avoiding the truth that if I'm ever going to really know something about myself, I will need someone else to tell me. Someone whose opinion is always just, always accurate, always filled with grace, always loving, always true. I think this was David's cry when he prayed for God to know his heart, to try (or test) his thoughts. Our God is the God Who Sees.

There is something in me that longs to be known. Maybe it's because I'm a female, I don't know. But I want to be heard... to be understood... to be known. In honest moments, I can admit that the reason I allow myself to be deceived is because I am wholly afraid that once known, I will not be accepted or loved. I think we all fear this.

Do you love grammar? I don't, but I do have a healthy respect for it! The statement in 1 Corinthians is particularly packed with grammatical interest. It is set up as a comparion between the state of things now and when "that which is perfect has come." Until you get to the last phrase. It's true that we shall know on that day. But it is not true that we wait until that day to be fully known. In the verb "I am known" a grammatical tense peculiar to the Greek language is employed - it's called aorist. The aorist tense is without respect to time. Stated positively, it can mean at any given time. We would say always. We are always fully known by God! This at once fulfills both my desire to be known and my fear of being rejected - the God of All has embraced fallen humanity!

It's in this revelation I find the greatest joy known to man - that of a sinner washed clean!

1 John 3:1

1How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

Thoughts from Years Ago

Studying for my small group this coming Monday, I opened an old Word file and found this:

"Cell Group

I’m learning that when leading a small group, you never know what’s going to happen…what questions will be asked…what opinions will be stated…it’s scary…it’s what it’s all about…it’s what makes it fun.

I’m learning to a new degree that life and love are a sacrifice. I don’t always get my way. I commit to things that are hard and sometimes make me sad…things I’m not good at…things I have to work hard at…and sometimes they still don’t work. I am a part of something that is beyond my control…something that’s scary…something that’s exciting…something that fills life with purpose so that when it’s hard I keep on going, and trying, and working.

God never promised that life would be easy…that Jesus was a fix-all solution…that He would make all our troubles go away. Look at Paul, Peter, Phillip, John, Matthew…look back further to Daniel, Joseph, Abraham, Moses, Esther. We call these men and women the forefathers of our faith whose lives are used as examples and yet there were persecuted, attacked, beaten, thrown in jail. Some risked their lives and some actually gave their lives. Why? They learned peace. How so? They understood that God’s ultimate promise of eternal life in His presence was already theirs by faith. Based on their understanding of the eternal promise, they lived.

This is what it means now, as I wrote earlier, to love God enough to be contented, to love him enough in the present world to say thank you in all the ebb and flow of life. When I am dead both to good and bad, I have my face turned towards God. And this is the place in which, by faith at the present moment in history, I am to be. When I am there, what am I? I am then the creature in the presence of the Creator, acknowledging that he is my Creator, and I am only a creature, nothing more. It is as though I am already in the grave and already before the face of God.

But one thing more needs to be sounded. We must not stop here! When through faith I am dead to all, and am face-to-face with God, then I am ready by faith to come back into this present world, as thought I have already been raised from the dead. It is as though I anticipate that day when I will come back. I will be in that number, as will all who have accepted Jesus as Savior, when the heavens open and we come back, following Jesus Christ in our resurrected, glorified bodies. And so now I am ready to come back as though back from the grave, as though the resurrection had already taken place, and step back into this present historic, space-time world. “Likewise, reckon ye also yourselves dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 6:11)

(Francis Schaeffer, True Spirituality)

Troubles are a guarantee, especially if we’re living right before God and men. We cannot let that deter us. We must learn peace. There is something that gets me out of bed in the morning instead of curling up sick for home. There is something that urges me to build another small group lesson instead of giving up in frustration. There is something that keeps my feet and my mind and my heart planted in Texas instead of running back to Ruston. I am learning peace. I’m not saying that I’ve learned it all. I’m learning peace. Peace comes when we understand who God is, who we are, and the assurance of God’s promise of eternal life. We think that a lack of strife in our lives will bring peace; history has proven us wrong. Dissatisfaction is more prominent in prosperous nations than any other. Like Schaeffer said, "We do not live for this life." This life is over. When we became Christians, this life ended for us. Now we live for eternity. Our work on this earth has nothing to do with buying cars, building houses, making money, getting famous. It has only to do with one thing. Pleasing God. In pleasing God, we will preach to men. Not because men deserve it; but that the message deserves to be preached."