Guilty

There have been alot of things in my life in the last year (and what a year it has been) that have forced me to wrestle with the concepts of guilt, innocence, and forgiveness. Difficult concepts when they're applied to ourselves or people we love, and I have had them applied directly in very personal ways.

I wonder how much money our country spends annually on defense attorneys. And I wonder what percentage of those clients were actually guilty? It must be piles of money, all spent to try to convince judges and juries that the guilty aren't really guilty.

THE GUILTY ARE REALLY INNOCENT.

I confess that is the state of my heart most days. I am guilty. But I want to convince myself, my family, my friends, the world, and (if possible) God that I AM INNOCENT. "It wasn't my fault - there were circumstances beyond my control - I made a mistake." I can run so hard and so fast from confession. It can be so hard to accept my own guilt. I avoid it at all costs to myself and those I care most about. I would sacrifice the happiness and emotions of my loved ones to maintain my innocence. I would never claim that as truth, but when I look back over my life I see it as a principle in my actions. Wow... what a statement.

And then there are those moments... probably some of the most sacred moments of our lives (in one sense of that word). It's in these moments we may be closest to God (and farthest from Him). The moments most pregnant with eternal possibility and significance. They are the moments I realize I am totally, completely evil (Romans 3:9-18)...

because the bottom line is this: If there is no guilt, there can be no forgiveness.


Oh, Lord, I so desperately need your forgiveness - help me not to hide from my own guilt. Help me not to white wash my life, make it look beautiful on the outside, while on the inside are dead men's bones (Matthew 23). I want to be beautiful and if the path to Your beauty takes me through guilt and brokenness, then let me open wide my arms to embrace all You say about me. I agree with You - Your judgments are always true, and Your paths always lead to peace. Give your church across this world a renewed understanding of confession, guilt, forgiveness. If we hide too long from our own guilt, you may just leave us to hide. What a scary thought!

Confession: 1) to say the same thing as another, i.e. to agree with, assent (i.e. 1 John 1:9)